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Let my child live with peace!


Your eyes start to twinkle the day you hear the news of a life in your womb. That is the first time when you cry for you are unable to hold the happiness. The bond soon begins to develop as you imagine your baby cuddling you as she kicks your womb with her tiny legs. A new world begins to unravel as you imagine how your child may look, her face, her smile, her eyes, and everything. You suddenly start believing in dreams and start making plans for the new ones arrival. You build a new world for her, wanting her to have all the love and comfort of life. The colours of your house, size of objects and everything else begins to change.

When finally, your baby is in your arms, you let out a second cry when you hold her close. Now, the world that you created for her starts to change as your life shrinks into hers and it is your baby who now creates the world for you. Your baby now decides when you should eat, when you should sleep! In this new world, the bond created transforms into an obsession where all your plan start with consideration of your child. If you go out, it is for your child, if you see a movie, it is for the child and everything around you that was tiny and went noticed, suddenly start to look prominent as now you have become expert in noticing small things in life.

Your life becomes an adventure which is flowing with surprises, you wait to see her first turn, her first smile, first walk, first talk and you want to capture every milestone your child develops. Your life now revolves around the child, you smile at her innocence, you laugh with her, play with her, you sleep cuddling her and everything except her starts to look unimportant. Your emotions reach a new level when you cry at the slightest, and even stories of others now start to impact you deeply.

It was this time when my child got up from sleep, smiled at me, his eyes looking at me with innocence, when I imagined the feeling of a mother whose child was killed in Peshawar terrorist attack and I could not hold my tears. I can’t imagine my life without my child and if a day comes when he suddenly disappears, I can’t even imagine how I would live. I can only imagine myself with him, not beyond. His innocent eyes looked at me wondering why I was crying. He is too small to even understand tears and why they come unless someone is hungry or in pain. He only understands bodily discomforts. He is not aware of the world outside that has many more ways to give you pain.

I imagined telling my child stories of fairies where good triumphs over evil, of heroic men as victors but what about the generation that is built over this massacre. Will they hear the stories of innocence getting killed as they grow up? I may be lucky to have been born in this part of the world but the other world that we have on the same earth is what makes me cry often. Brutality is becoming less rare with death floating all over and their stories are touching everyone in a way that either they ignore it or they get scared of life.

Pehawar Killings

The stories that always began with “Once upon a time” would now see an obvious addition, “Once upon a time, life was beautiful”. Where is this world going and who is leading this world towards this un-beautiful, scary, horrifying life? I have no words, no response that could be considered relevant in such situation where you hear not people, but the innocence itself getting killed. If a child without whom we have no life, the only human being who only loves, who only sees good become a part of an unimagined brutality, then what do you feel? How do you feel? or Are you at all left with any feeling?

I saw my little child walking slowly with his tiny legs, an unbalanced gait, and eyes still looking at me. My heart cried for a fear that scared me even before I could imagine it and I pulled him to hold in my arms. He cuddled me and I cuddled him tighter. He did not move but was only clinging to me as if saying, “Mom, never leave me alone”. He never liked hugging like this unless he sees me after a long time or he is scared. It appeared like he was able to sense my fear without knowledge and hugged me to give assurance that he was with me. I want him to stay with me always. I want this world to become better. I want this world to be like ones in the stories I heard as a child. I want this world to run on emotions and not on ammunitions.

But all I have is a world full of blood and slaughter with no guarantee of a normal life to a normal person. You stay healthy only till you are lucky but you never know when your luck may leave you. I only request God, if not me, at least let my child live with peace!

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