Archive for December, 2014

Let my child live with peace!

December 22, 2014 Leave a comment

Your eyes start to twinkle the day you hear the news of a life in your womb. That is the first time when you cry for you are unable to hold the happiness. The bond soon begins to develop as you imagine your baby cuddling you as she kicks your womb with her tiny legs. A new world begins to unravel as you imagine how your child may look, her face, her smile, her eyes, and everything. You suddenly start believing in dreams and start making plans for the new ones arrival. You build a new world for her, wanting her to have all the love and comfort of life. The colours of your house, size of objects and everything else begins to change.

When finally, your baby is in your arms, you let out a second cry when you hold her close. Now, the world that you created for her starts to change as your life shrinks into hers and it is your baby who now creates the world for you. Your baby now decides when you should eat, when you should sleep! In this new world, the bond created transforms into an obsession where all your plan start with consideration of your child. If you go out, it is for your child, if you see a movie, it is for the child and everything around you that was tiny and went noticed, suddenly start to look prominent as now you have become expert in noticing small things in life.

Your life becomes an adventure which is flowing with surprises, you wait to see her first turn, her first smile, first walk, first talk and you want to capture every milestone your child develops. Your life now revolves around the child, you smile at her innocence, you laugh with her, play with her, you sleep cuddling her and everything except her starts to look unimportant. Your emotions reach a new level when you cry at the slightest, and even stories of others now start to impact you deeply.

It was this time when my child got up from sleep, smiled at me, his eyes looking at me with innocence, when I imagined the feeling of a mother whose child was killed in Peshawar terrorist attack and I could not hold my tears. I can’t imagine my life without my child and if a day comes when he suddenly disappears, I can’t even imagine how I would live. I can only imagine myself with him, not beyond. His innocent eyes looked at me wondering why I was crying. He is too small to even understand tears and why they come unless someone is hungry or in pain. He only understands bodily discomforts. He is not aware of the world outside that has many more ways to give you pain.

I imagined telling my child stories of fairies where good triumphs over evil, of heroic men as victors but what about the generation that is built over this massacre. Will they hear the stories of innocence getting killed as they grow up? I may be lucky to have been born in this part of the world but the other world that we have on the same earth is what makes me cry often. Brutality is becoming less rare with death floating all over and their stories are touching everyone in a way that either they ignore it or they get scared of life.

Pehawar Killings

The stories that always began with “Once upon a time” would now see an obvious addition, “Once upon a time, life was beautiful”. Where is this world going and who is leading this world towards this un-beautiful, scary, horrifying life? I have no words, no response that could be considered relevant in such situation where you hear not people, but the innocence itself getting killed. If a child without whom we have no life, the only human being who only loves, who only sees good become a part of an unimagined brutality, then what do you feel? How do you feel? or Are you at all left with any feeling?

I saw my little child walking slowly with his tiny legs, an unbalanced gait, and eyes still looking at me. My heart cried for a fear that scared me even before I could imagine it and I pulled him to hold in my arms. He cuddled me and I cuddled him tighter. He did not move but was only clinging to me as if saying, “Mom, never leave me alone”. He never liked hugging like this unless he sees me after a long time or he is scared. It appeared like he was able to sense my fear without knowledge and hugged me to give assurance that he was with me. I want him to stay with me always. I want this world to become better. I want this world to be like ones in the stories I heard as a child. I want this world to run on emotions and not on ammunitions.

But all I have is a world full of blood and slaughter with no guarantee of a normal life to a normal person. You stay healthy only till you are lucky but you never know when your luck may leave you. I only request God, if not me, at least let my child live with peace!

Categories: Uncategorized

Who changed her?

December 12, 2014 Leave a comment

married woman

I saw a video on Storypick on a marriage date in Delhi which showed a girl embarrassing a guy after he asked her to not wear western clothes and leave her well established career. She boldly refuses the guy to marry and leaves. The video depicts the feeling of a modern woman through her character. This is the common dilemma of an Indian society which is a blend of followers of the old traditions and those living with westernized views.

The problem is but only partially presented. It is not just about the girl who refuses to marry if the guy does not allow her freedom. But it is the collective pressure that she receives from the family and the society. Her family would tell her that it is impossible to get a guy she wants and thus she must choose to settle in minimum compromised marriage. In the small cities, the girls are prepared to be an ideal woman from the day they start going to school. The society has its own definition of an ideal woman “A woman who is able to cook well, dress well (saree or at least long salwar suit), able to take care of entire family including her husband and kids and has no problem in leaving her career for her family. She cares for home and cares for everyone. She is expected to a one-woman-army at home taking care of logistics, hospitality, catering, baby sitting, education of kids and their character building.

These norms have been strengthened by older generations imparting these outdated notions in their boys so that when they grow up, the responsibility of controlling a woman can be easily thrown upon them. If the man gets a promotion, he gets a pat on the back and when the woman is able to serve a dozen of guests alone, she gets a pat.

At first these seem like consequences of an arranged marriage but love marriages are not unaffected. It starts with a modern girl meeting a modern looking guy who makes her enjoy her freedom and love her the way she is. Once the acceptance of love is achieved from both the sides, things start to change as if the guy is put on a mission to transform the spoiled girl into an ideal woman. A few years back this used to be a typical theme of Indian movies in which a girl was shown in her extreme moods and her modern clothes, then she falls in love with a handsome ideal man who changes her at last, which is the biggest achievement shown in the movie.

In reality, something similar happens and gradually a girl is made to change. First, her mind is shadowed and control by love to make her accept forthcoming. Then her clothes would be modified telling her that she looks more beautiful in tradition clothes, her career would be given a back seat and slowly everything changes. She doesn’t change for the society but for the love of her life which soon dies as she loses herself to love.

Her ambitions are not important any more but only till she realizes that she lost lot more than her career to keep her marriage. She keeps looking at other women in similar conditions faking happiness with smiling faces and tries to convince herself that she can be happy too, without realizing that there could be a similar storm behind those happy faces. In the end she loses her charm. Her husband loses interest in her. He tells her that she is no more the woman he loved who was full of life but has become boring. Once the bubbly girl is now a typical woman busy with home chores.

She doesn’t try to look her best, she doesn’t make many friends. She is no more a movie buff or a traveler; she is no more a cool minded person. Her husband makes her depressed by showing her examples of charming women and making her realize that she is no more beautiful. Her man keeps complaining “You have changed.

The question is “who changed her?”

Categories: Women Tags: ,