Sitting comfortably,with a pillow supporting my back, I was looking at the train of small white dots printed on my tunic, tightly fitting my protruded belly, and listening to the most soothing music, intended for children, I was waiting to feel the kicks that made me happy every time I felt them inside me. A small life inside my belly reminds me of the beauty of life itself. There is someone inside, someone who listens to every word I say, someone affected by every emotion I display, someone who makes me feel that I am complete and that love can be so pure, unconditional and beautiful.
I don’t even know whether it’s a boy or a girl but I would call him as some part of me tells me that it’s a boy. I may be wrong but when I saw the tiny body jumping on the screen while in Sonography, I had a feeling of assurance that my intuition was right.
The experience itself was so delighting that I can never forget it in my life, those moments when I saw his face first time on screen. I had laughed heartily when the doctor had said that my baby was very haughty and did not like him. He was doing everything like, moving his legs, waving his hands, but when we wanted to see his face, he would put his hands over it as if trying to hide himself from the doctor.
While doing sonography, when doctor had asked me to ask my baby to move, I was confused; how do I say it? Will he understand? Will he respond? How to make him understand what I want him to do? But today I know, how to wake him up, how to make him turn, how to make him kick. I wished if I knew that earlier, maybe I could have seen him kicking, jumping and dancing in front of my eyes.
I closed my eyes, resting on the pillow. As the music filled my ears and reached my baby, kicks started, little at some songs, aggressive at others while at some music, he just swam inside me smoothly, making me feel every inch of him. It felt like, for him, my body gad become an arena of live concert while he was trying to dance on the rhythm of the beats played.
A tear came to my eye when I imagined my little boy dancing happily and I longed to see him. I wondered when just the kicks from inside me can bring a happy tear to my eyes, how would I react when he would actually be in my arms!
Whenever he fell silent, I would sing Twinkle Twinkle because I knew he wouldn’t miss it even if I start to whisper and will start kicking immediately as if he could recognize his favorite song.
He had been so active since morning that I couldn’t make out a reason or understand his emotions; maybe he was happy for I sang to him or maybe he was also craving to meet me as I was. At times, I felt amazed at the un-ending energy of the little baby, he was active whole day, not tired, not bored, not worried, enjoying every moment I hope!
I went to the doctor in the evening and she asked me if I could feel the kicks, while he was actually kicking at that time. I smiled and said, “Yes, a lot”. When doctor touched him, he suddenly fell silent for some time like a little child who gets conscious when a stranger asks him to say hello.
There are times when my husband wanted to feel him. He would keep his hand over my belly waiting long for his kicks and when he kick, my husband’s face would lighten up and he would smile and laugh at the same time. The first time ever I felt the kick, I wasn’t expecting but when I felt the blow , I felt I was on seventh heaven and from then on I patiently waited every time for him to responds to me.
A kick makes me happy, makes me crave to hold my baby in my hand, play with him, love him, hide him in my arms, dance with him in the twilight, talk to him , sing to him, tell stories and many more feelings hidden deep inside my heart waiting for him to come and hold his mom.
I imagined many times, how will the baby look, about baby’s likes, dislikes, and I wanted to know every single thing about my little angel. He can feel the music, he responds when I talk to him and when I am talking to someone on phone, especially when the person is talking fast. When I am lazily lying on my bed at night, trying to sleep, he reminds me of his presence by moving and kicking everywhere he can. When I am fast asleep and get up with a sudden sound, he reminds me again that he can hear and feel everything I can hear and feel. At the times when I haven’t eaten for a long time, he kicks again forcing me to have something.
When I walk, I don’t feel much of the kicks so everytime I get a chance alone, I would sit or lie down quietly somewhere and wait for him to make me feel his presence again. I don’t see him like a baby inside my tummy but some one, who is there with me all the time, just that I am yet to see him.
In initial months , I used to get impatient, thinking when would these nine months end and I will see my baby but now with the kicks always attending me, I want these moments to last forever. I want to enjoy them the most, they will never ever come back in my life, not with the same baby. I will never forget these moments when I explored my tiny baby with all my imaginations and love, trying to understand everything about him. I will always remember the times when I was lying on bed with my hands on my belly, feeling him, jumping and laughing with him. It is more delightful feeling than the highest meditation experience on earth.
I now feel that my whole world belongs to him and everything I will ever want will be for him and only him. Every feeling, every fun, every decision will be taken , keeping him in mind. I will love the person who would love my baby and hate the person who would hurt my baby. A new world is created for me now.